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NICHT ZU FASSEN

26 deutsche
und 10 englische Rezensionen
von nicht existierenden Büchern
mit dem jeweiligen
fiktiven Titelbild in Farbe
 
- 123 Seiten -

erschienen am 1.12.2009

ISBN: 978-3-00-029514-0

Preis: 10 € - versandkostenfrei

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erhalten Sie kostenlos
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oder 15 einzelne WORKSHEETS

Einleitung / Introduction

Textauszug / extract (author's reading)

Weitere Textauszüge bei youtube

Faszinierende Idee - ich bestelle das Buch

POEMS & SONGS

1. General/Introductory assignment: Ganz schön (Ge)dicht
    
2. STREETS OF LONDON (Ralph McTell): Klausur (class test) -
   with solutions/suggestions for answers (urban poetry)
    
3. SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY (U2): Wortschatzarbeit
4. SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY (U2): Analysing interesting stylistic means -
   table with solutions
    
5. ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE (Phil Collins): worksheet:  Wortschatzarbeit
6. ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE: a truly terrible translation of this song by a translation programme - crying out for a better one by the students themselves (= assignment)
    
7. ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL (Pinkfloyd): 3 tracks from The Wall (Another Brick in the Wall parts I + II, The Happiest Days of Our Lives): lyrics with blanks (listening comprehension)
8. ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL:
   worksheet: "wall": denotation vs connotation (in this particular context)
9. ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL: detour: for a change, German phrases with "Mauer", "Wand", or "Stein" are discussed, also showing that the meaning of  metaphors depends very much on the context
    
10. INDIAN RESERVATION: text with blanks + solutions
11. INDIAN RESERVATION: Outline the formal pattern (model essay)
12. INDIAN RESERVATION: symbols and contrasts (useful diagram)
13. INDIAN RESERVATION: Klausur (test)
     
14. IMAGINE (John Lennon): text with blanks + solutions
15. IMAGINE: formal pattern, contrasting aspects in each stanza, function of refrain (solutions)
16. IMAGINE: a truly terrible translation of this song by a translation programme -
    crying out for a better one by the students themselves (= assignment)
17. IMAGINE: Detour: having discussed why the pronunciation of "possessions" (which comes up in the song) is very tricky indeed (the first "ss" is pronounced [ z ]!) this worksheet is handed out - it lists up other words with the same strange trick - with solutions
     
18. THE LAST LAUGH (Wilfred Owen): Klausur/class test
19. THE LAST LAUGH: model essay concerning the striking connection between layout and content
     
20. THE LISTENERS (Walter de la Mare): Klausur/class test
    (see also The LISTENERS as a folk rock song )
     
21. I AM A ROCK (Simon & Garfunkel): Klausur/test + detaillierter Erwartungshorizont (1 Euro)
22. I AM A ROCK: a truly terrible translation of this song by a translation programme - crying out for a better one by the students themselves (= assignment)
     
23. OZYMANDIAS (Shelley): homework assignment & vocabulary exercise
     
24. NAVAJO TEARS (SHOCKING BLUE) class test (10. Klasse)
    (can easily be compared with INDIAN RESERVATION - see above)
     
25. RONAN KEATING: WHEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL
    class test (Zentralabitur NRW: modern love songs)
26. RONAN KEATING: WHEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL
    an atrocious translation of this song by a translation programme - crying out for a better one by the students themselves (= assignment)
     
27. SHAKESPEARE: SONNET 18 (Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer's Day)
    the development of the argument in this sonnet - table to be filled out by the students (with solutions)   (Zentralabitur NRW)
28. SHAKESPEARE SONNET 18 (Shall I ...)
    Detour: Since roughly 87% of German students pronounce shall as if it rhymed with all and ball, this worksheet provides a table with words ending in -all. It turns out shall is the only exception regarding the pronunciation - with solutions
     
29. SHAKESPEARE: SONNET 60  (Like as the Waves Make Towards the Pebbled Shore)
    Klausur (class test) (Zentralabitur NRW)
     
30. EDGAR ALLAN POE: ELDORADO (EL DORADO)
    various interesting assignments, some of which with solutions
31. EDGAR ALLAN POE: ELDORADO
    a truly terrible translation of this fantastic poem by a translation programme - crying out for a better one by the students themselves (= assignment)
     
32. RICHARD CORY (SIMON & GARFUNKEL)
    test with assignments and possible solutions (notes)
     
33. CHRIS DE BURGH: THE TRAVELLER
    5 possible assignments for this fascinating ballad/slice of life song
     
34. TRACY CHAPMAN: TALKIN' BOUT A REVOLUTION
    5 interesting assignments
     
35. TRACY CHAPMAN: FAST CAR (urban poetry)
    6 interesting assignments
36. TRACY CHAPMAN: FAST CAR: detour: vocabulary quiz
    words ending in -ar (e.g. car, star) - which do you know, and which one is the odd one out? (war)
    table with solutions
     
37. U 2: PRIDE (IN THE NAME OF LOVE)
    6 interesting assignments for this amazing song about Martin Luther King
     
38. MODERN LOVE SONGS: a worksheet giving students instructions how to present a song they like in class 
     
39. AMERICAN DREAM: "Rosa Parks sat - so that MLK could march - so that Obama could run - so that our children can fly"
    analysis of this fascinating little poem encapsulating the American Dream - with notes
      
40. INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION: I wrote and recorded this satirical song myself a couple of years ago, dedicating it to all those people who suffered in coal mines during the Industrial Revolution.
    You can also get its mp3 file. Here is the first part:
      
    I ain't gonna work in this coalmine no more
    I said, I ain't gonna work in this-here coalmine no more
    I'm working all my fingers simply down to the bone
    Here at this dark coal-face, always alone
      
    There's coal dust in my lungs
    And coal dust in my brain
    "Why, that's all part of a revolution
    Called Industrial", they claim.
     
41. PINBALL WIZARD (THE WHO) worksheet with notes referrring to the pov, numerous interesting stylistic means and the colloquial language used in this famous song
    in my humble opinion, the lyrics are so interesting that they could easily be used in a test etc (even though kids today may not know the song)
      
42. THE SPIRIT OF 34 th STREET (PEGGY SHRIVER): an interesting assignment concerning the ending of the poem, inducing students to become creative

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NON FICTION

1. POLITICS: Diagram: Britain: A Constitutional Monarchy - with wrong/funny details supposed to be corrected by the student (& SOLUTIONS) (Zentralabitur Nordrhein-Westfalen)
     
2. POLITICS: FIRST-PAST-THE-POST SYSTEM   I
   general election results in the UK 2005
   a simplified table based on Wikipedia information plus a diagram into which students may enter the different figures for % of votes and % of seats, thus realizing (among other things) the unfairness of the system towards smaller parties (Zentralabitur NRW)
    
3. POLITICS: FIRST-PAST-THE-POST SYSTEM   II
   a (slightly satirical) diagram on the basis of which the UK majority vote system (plus the discrepancy between the % of votes and the % of seats) can easily be explained (Zentralabitur NRW)
     
4. POLITICS: FIRST-PAST-THE-POST SYSTEM   III
   an extreme example of the majority vote system from the 2001 elections (from The Times/constituency: Taunton) on the basis of which the whole system can clearly be explained - plus solutions (Zentralabitur NRW)
    
5. AMERICAN DREAM: group work: searching the internet - 
   possible topics & links (Zentralabitur NRW)
    
6. AMERICAN DREAM: useful diagram referring to
   a. Declaration of Independence
   b. Statue of Liberty & Lazarus poem
   c. JFK text: Why They Came
   with solutions
    
7. AMERICAN DREAM & the Amish: worksheet focussing on the fact that the Amish are an outstanding example of the American Dream come true - with solutions (based mainly on the fabulous Peter Weir film WITNESS starring Harrison Ford)
     
8. PRESS/TERRORISM:  2 leading articles (Hamas killing) - LK Klausur/test
    
9. PRESS: HOW TO WRITE A GOOD LETTER TO THE EDITOR
   with solutions (Zentralabitur NRW)
     
10. USA QUIZ: STATE ABBREVIATIONS - students are supposed to guess what the 50 abbreviations stands for (table, with solutions)
     
11. MALCOLM X (extract from a speech): Klausur/test
12. MALCOLM X (extract from article about his life and death): Klausur/test
     
13. NEBRASKA QUIZ (Partnerarbeit - passt z.B. zu English G 2000, A4 Unit 5, "Nebraska - the middle of nowhere?") - with solutions
     
14. RACIAL DISCRIMINATION: ENOCH POWELL'S "RIVER FOAMING WITH MUCH BLOOD" SPEECH
    diagram: train of thought & rhetorical devices (Zentralabitur NRW)
15. ENOCH POWELL'S SPEECH: detour: tricky pronunciation: words like blood and food ending in -ood
    table with solutions
     
16. MONARCHY DEMOCRACY PARTICIPATION
    worksheet with useful words & phrases concerning the field politics; to be filled in by the students - with solutions   (Zentralabitur NRW)
     
17. ANALYSING ADVERTS
    Sir Ernest Shackleton's amazing ad for his 1914 Trans-Antarctic Expedition ("Men wanted for hazardous journey...") - possible assignments and solutions
     
18. RACIAL DISCRIMINATION: SEGREGATION IN RESTROOMS IN THE 50s:
    The symbolic meaning of a photo torn into 2 pieces - plus solutions
     
19. ANALYZING SPEECHES: a useful general diagram referring to the purpose of a speech and the possible (rhetorical) means used to achieve that purpose -
    can be used as an introduction before analyzing a specific speech
     
20. ADVERTISING: an interesting (homework) assignment concerning the fact that at amazon.de or amazon.com you can now look inside several pages of many books, which will certainly not please your local bookshop - with solutions
     
21. AMERICAN DREAM: "Rosa Parks sat - so that MLK could march - so that Obama could run - so that our children can fly"
    analysis of this fascinating little poem encapsulating the American Dream - with notes
     
22. ADVERTISING:  "We are sinking!" - Berlitz ad
    Analysing this very funny ad on youtube - with instructions
      
23. INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION: This is a song I wrote and recorded  myself a couple of years ago, dedicating it to all those people who suffered in coal mines during the Industrial Revolution.
    You can also get its mp3 file. Here is the first part:
      
    I ain't gonna work in this coalmine no more
    I said, I ain't gonna work in this-here coalmine no more
    I'm working all my fingers simply down to the bone
    Here at this dark coal-face, always alone
      
    There's coal dust in my lungs
    And coal dust in my brain
    "Why, that's all part of a revolution
    Called Industrial", they claim.

NON FICTION BUNDLE:  3,90 Euros (less than 17 Cents each)

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SPECIAL NON-FICTION OFFERS: 
REAL MAPS & POSTERS & CALENDARS & BROCHURES

• DIE TRAILS NACH WESTEN
  map, colour, 47 x 122 cm, Time Life Books
  5 Euros incl. postage
   
• WILD BUFFALO BILL'S WEST & CONGRESS OF ROUGH RIDERS OF THE WORLD
  HISTORICAL SKETCHES & PROGRAMME
  poster, 72 x 56 cm, Time Life International
  5 Euros incl. postage
   
• INDIANER KALENDER 2001: WALKERS OF THE WIND
  30 x 30 cm, original black & white photos, Weltbild Verlag
  5 Euros incl. postage
    
• RONALD REAGAN: 40th PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
  colour brochure, international communication agency, USA
  5 Euros incl. postage
   
• 1979 ILLUSTRATED GUIDE TO MADAME TUSSAUD'S
  colour brochure, 40 pages, Madame Tussaud's Ltd 
  5 Euros incl. postage
   
• THE ROYAL PALACES
  Pitkin Guide, colour brochure, 2000
  4 Euros incl. postage
   
• THE CHANNEL TUNNEL
  original colour brochure, DinA4, 1994
  5 Euros incl. postage
   
• WE REMEMBER WOUNDED KNEE 1890 - 1973
  poster, 44 x 57 cm, Akwesasne Notes
  5 Euros incl. postage
   
• 
  

GRAMMAR & VOCAB

   Diese Abteilung ist vermutlich nicht nur für Lehrer, sondern auch für Anglistik-Studenten und Schüler der Sekundarstufe II geeignet, da man hier im Selbststudium (oft spielerisch) den eigenen Wortschatz, die Aussprache bestimmter Wörter und grammatische Aspekte überprüfen und erweitern kann.

* HINWEIS:

   Bei den mit  *  gekennzeichneten worksheets handelt es sich um Übungen, bei denen es darum geht, Interferenzen in bezug auf spelling,  pronunciation, grammar und/oder meaning bewusst zu machen. 
   Taucht z.B. ein so fehleranfälliges Wort wie womb im Unterricht auf, lässt sich als detour  das worksheet Nr. 3 einsetzen, um auf die Interferenz mit comb explizit zu verweisen und gleichzeitig bei allen Wörtern, die auf  -mb enden, auf die Regel hinzuweisen: Drop the "b" in words with  -mb at the end!
  

1. Lieblingsfehler in Klausuren (e.g. example FOR, in l.5 STANDS, one stylistic MEAN) - table with solutions
   Dies worksheet wird zu Beginn der Oberstufe vor der ersten Klausur verteilt und intensiv besprochen, damit diese erfahrungsgemäss extrem beliebten Fehler vermieden werden
2. * know-how : word ending -ow, different pronunciation: [ou] vs. [au]  - (table + solutions)
3. * words ending -mb (drop the b!) (e.g. dumb) - (table + solutions)
4. * words ending -ough (tricky pronunc) (e.g. rough) - (table)
5. * words ending -an (tricky pronunc) (can, fan, etc vs wan and swan!) -
   table + solutions
6. * plane or plain? (words ending -ane vs -ain) - (table + solutions)
7. * snail: rhyme words - (table + solutions)
8. tierisch: every day metaphorical expressions - (table + solutions)
9. emphatic DO
10. * word ending -ead:   [-i:d] or [-ed]  ?? (e.g. lead) - (table + solutions)
11. * word ending -ood: 3 diff. pronunciations (e.g. hood vs blood vs food) -
    (table + solutions)
12. * word ending -ove: 3 diff. pronunciations (e.g. dove vs drove vs move) -
    (table + solutions)
13. How up do high knee! (spielerische Übung zu Wörtern, die in E und in D zufällig gleich ausgesprochen werden (Hau ab, du Heini!!)
    PS: macht viel Spass + schult die Fähigkeit, auf die Aussprache zu achten
14. Indirect speech: backshift - (table)
15. Indirect speech: 2 funny/interesting dialogues - "a bank robbery" / "homework problems")
16. * Rhyme words: what rhymes with air + bare + bear? (+ mayor!)
    table plus solutions
17. shelf -> shelves: words with irregular plural:  f -> ves
    table + solutions
18. bag rhyming quiz: List up all the words you know which rhyme with bag
    table + solutions
19. a-e-i-o-u quiz: table with words like bag-beg-big-bog-bug
    + solutions
20. look + preposition: spielerische Übungen zu look for/after/down on, etc 
    + solutions
21. * vocabulary + pronunciation exercise:
    * swamp vs lamp, damp, etc etc - table + solutions
22. Revision of tenses based on the description of 2 interesting cartoons referring to Native Americans
23. boo rhyming quiz: which words do you know? (there are 32!)
    table & solutions
24. * -our  tricky pronunciation - e.g. flour pour tour
    complete list with solutions
25. * -oot  tricky pronunciation: [u:] or [u]?! (e.g. boot vs foot)
    table with solutions
26. * -all  tricky pronunciation: all words ending in -all rhyme with all - except one! (shall) - table with solutions
27. *  Monk: worksheet focussing on typical mistakes concerning the pronunciation of tricky TV/movie words like Monk (pronounced like honk in the German version!), spongebob, onion, tomb raider, etc
28. vocab quiz: words rhyming with pie (with solutions)
    Note: there are at least 30!
29. vocab quiz: words rhyming with fun, nun (and none!) -
    table with solutions (there are at least 16)
30. double negative/violation of grammar: a very hilarious comic strip with assignments, also including a question concerning the use of the double negative
31. * tear (n.) vs. tear (v.): tricky pronunciation  -  words ending in -ear either rhyme with clear or with wear (or both!)  - table with solutions
32. * break vs. freak: tricky pronunciation  -  words ending in -eak  - table with solutions
33. * Die Giraffe oder der Giraffe?! Wie Sprache das Denken beeinflusst
    Eine interessante und lustige Übung, basierend auf der (absurden) Tatsache, dass viele Tiere im Deutschen weiblich sind - kontrastiv zum Englischen sehr gut einsetzbar (Interferenz: the cat -> she)
34. * -ew  tricky pronunciation: a list of words ending in  -ew, all rhyming with new - except one (sew!!)
    - with solutions
35. * rhyming quiz: which words do you know that rhyme with law and more (and awe!!) - table with solutions (there are at least 28!)
36. * -one   tricky pronunciation: a list of words ending in -one
    They all rhyme - or do they?!  with solutions
37. * -aim vs. -ame : which words do you know? (e.g. maim & lame )
    - a kind of quiz - with solutions
38. * rhyming quiz: which words do you know that rhyme with see (and quay and knee!!) -
     table with solutions (there are at least 24!)
39. * rhyming quiz: [ -eit ] - which words do you know that rhyme with late and wait (and freight !) -
     table with solutions (there are at least 21!)
40. * THINK THANK THUNK?! A somewhat dangerous exercise for advanced learners concerning verbs like sing-sang-sung, etc, plus others which do not work that way (quite a challenge, really...)
41. * "Me equal!" ("Mir egal!") - A playful exercise concerning colloquial idiomatic expressions ("From me out." (!), etc)
    Advanced learners are asked to correct the literal/absurd translations (with solutions)
42. * -ook: a list of words rhyming with look - except gook (!)
    table with solutions
43. * rhyming quiz: which words do you know that rhyme with bed (and said and lead!!) -
     table with solutions (there are about 22)
44. * Spiegelei = mirror egg??    apple moose = Apfelmus??
    A playful exercise/quiz focussing on false friends and on dead metaphors - after all, the German word Spiegelei is surely a dead metaphor (though for those who learn German it may well be a very vivid metaphor) - with solutions
45. vocabulary quiz: words ending in -ar (e.g. car, star) - which do you know, and which one is the odd one out? (war)
    table with solutions
46. Getting acquainted with the Langenscheidt Abitur Wörterbuch
    table with solutions
47. * rhyming quiz: which words rhyme with get ? Including tricky ones, e.g. threat , etc
    table with solutions
48. * rhyming quiz for advanced learners: which words rhyme with bird ? Including very tricky ones, e.g. blurred nerd turd , etc
    table with solutions
49. * What stands on the sign?!
    Advanced (!!) students are asked to create a situation in which this absolutely terrible "English" (Was steht auf dem Schild?) would actually be appropriate
    assignment with possible solution
     

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CARTOONS & SATIRE

1. ACHMED THE DEAD TERRORIST
   taking a closer look at this terribly funny ventriloquist on youtube - comprehension questions
2. DETOUR: Achmed is a suicide bomber -> worksheet focussing on words ending in -mb (drop the "b" in bomb, dumb, etc)
    
3. NATIVE AMERICANS/AMERICAN INDIANS
    Two interesting cartoons - used as a basis for a revision of tenses
    
4. RACIAL DISCRIMINATION/ SEGREGATION:
   "One-Solution Bus"
   
   This is a cartoon created by Maxim Probst, a former student of mine:
   A bus with different compartments for blacks, communists, gays, dogs, etc - a brilliant satirical exaggeration of the Rosa Parks era/Civil Rights Movement
     
5. RELIGIOUS CONCEPTS: REINCARNATION
   "I'll be Right Back"
   
   This is a cartoon created by myself which satirizes the belief in re-incarnation
    
6. SCHOOL/EDUCATION:
   "Pearls before Swine"
   
   A cartoon created by myself which criticizes in a (very) sarcastic way the aims of education
    
7. LITERATURE:
   "How to write a novel"
   
   A cartoon by myself which boggles the mind, showing in an ironical way that the whole is more than the sum of its parts
     
8. Analysing political cartoons - useful words & phrases (worksheet with solutions)
    
9. from Life of Brian: "What have the Romans ever given us in return?!" -
   a very funny satirical scene on the dangers of rhetorical questions -
   with interpretation notes
      
10. Draw your own GRAFFITI: instructions on how to draw serious, humorous, satirical, or political graffiti, including 2 examples. Can be used just for fun or within a certain context that was dealt with in class.
     
11. SCHOOL/EDUCATION:
    "Teachers shape the future"
    
    A cartoon I created which questions if teachers shape the future
     

SATIRE & CARTOON BUNDLE: 3,30 Euros (just 30 Cents each)

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COMIC STRIPS

 
ASTERIX   (Goscinny/Uderzo) (see also Asterix Film )

Asterix the Legionary

1. stylistic means in this fascinating comic strip: irony, pun, anachronism
2. Klausur/Test
3. Names and their meanings (table)
4. Signs and their meanings (table)
5. Talking about comic strips - useful words and phrases
6. Leitmotif: someone in love 
7. How dumb can you get? - an almost incomprehensible German "translation" of a short text about this comic strip by a translation programme.
   Students are supposed to guess what the text means (very funny, also revealing that translation programmes still have a lot to learn) - with original text (you can, if you wish, also discuss reasons why these programmes fail in so many cases - e.g. because they cannot differentiate between homonyms)

ASTERIX THE LEGIONARY BUNDLE: 2,10 Euros (just 30 Cents each)
 

Asterix and Cleopatra

1. funny fake summary - supposed to be corrected by the students (with solutions)
2. humour/stylistic means I: anachronisms in this fabulous comic strip - table with solutions
3. humour/stylistic means II: puns - table with solutions
4. How dumb can you get? - an almost incomprehensible German "translation" of a short text about this comic strip by a translation programme.
   Students are supposed to guess what the text means (very funny, also revealing that translation programmes still have a lot to learn) - with original text (you can, if you wish, also discuss reasons why these programmes fail in so many cases - e.g. because they cannot differentiate between homonyms)
5. Detour: The gerund (as a subject, as an object, and with prepositions) -
   grammatical exercises against the background of the film

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ASTERIX COMIC STRIPS BUNDLE (LEGIONARY & CLEO): 3 Euros (just 25 Cents each)

ASTERIX FILM & COMIC STRIPS BUNDLE: 6 Euros (just 24 Cents each)

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STYLISTIC MEANS - RHETORICAL DEVICES

1. How to analyse STYLISTIC MEANS: a useful diagram which helps the students realize how one should principally approach such a task
    
2. SIMILE: Scene from the film Shrek: "Ogres are like onions" -
   the humorous use of a simile - with solutions
    
3. ONOMATOPOEIA: comparing English and German examples of onomatopoeia - with solutions
    
4. STYLISTIC MEANS REVIVAL: a worksheet with a variety of interesting examples - can be used as a kind of revision, etc (with solutions)
    
5. DEAD METAPHORS: "reviving" ("resuscitating"!) dead metaphors (German and English) - makes students aware of how language works
    
6. EVERY DAY IMAGERY: idiomatic expressions - with solutions
    
7. RHETORICAL QUESTION: Extract from the film Life of Brian ("And what have the Romans ever given us in return?!") - a satire on what might happen if people actually start answering  rhetorical questions (with solutions)
    
8. SYMBOLS: The symbolic meaning of a photo about racial segregation torn into 2 pieces - plus solutions
    
9. PUN: a cartoon I created based on the fact that [steik] is the pronunciation of 2 different words
   
    

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1. THE SIMPSONS
   How dumb can you get? - an almost incomprehensible German "translation" of a short text about this animated sitcom by a translation programme.
   Students are supposed to guess what the text means (very funny, also revealing that translation programmes still have a lot to learn) - with original text (you can, if you wish, also discuss reasons why these programmes fail in so many cases - e.g. because they cannot differentiate between homonyms)
    
2. QUIZ: THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
   an interesting and often funny quiz concerning aspects of the English language
   Beispiele:
   - Heißt "Der hat eine Schraube locker" auf Englisch tatsächlich genauso?: "He has got a screw loose"  (RIGHT)
   - Hängt die Aussprache von "the" davon ab, ob der erste Buchstabe im folgenden Wort ein Vokal ist? (WRONG!)
   - Dies ist falsch aber logisch: think thank thunk (RIGHT)
    
3. FUN: CRAZY QUIZ: guessing the names of famous actors -
   e.g. "K. Speck?? -> Kevin Bacon", "Paule Navajohütte?? -> Paul Hogan" - plus solutions
    
4. HOW SILLY CAN YOU GET?!: a funny quiz with distorted names of famous singers and bands, e.g. Pa Blitz -> Madonna, Dieb Popel -> Deep Purple - with solutions
    
5. THE MAN WHO SAVED A MILLION BLADDERS
   A very funny parody of "The Man Who Saved a Million Lives" (Edward Jenner), a text in ye olde Learning English A2 Klett textbook, written by an English assistant teacher. Here is the beginning:
   The year is 1840, the place somewhere in Wandsworth. Through a long, dark, suburban back garden, a man called Thomas Twott is moving quickly. From time to time he glances fearfully up to the sky. He has good reason to be afraid. Suffering terribly from incontinence, his bladder may explode before he reaches the little house at the bottom of the garden. Even worse, he may be struck by lightning on the way, a common happening in 19th century Wandsworth. ...
     
6. INSIDE FLUSH TOILETS IN WANDSWORTH TODAY
   A very funny parody of old-fashioned Learning English (Klett) textbook exercises written by an English assistant teacher in the late seventies - can be used as a translation exercise, revision of tenses, and/or just for fun.
   Here is the beginning:
   Although it is theoretically possible for inside flush toilets to be located in any room of a house or flat, custom in Wandsworth usually decrees that the toilet be situated in or adjacent to the bathroom. In Wandsworth 83% of dwellings have toilets in the bathroom, 12% have toilets adjacent to the bathroom, 3% have the toilet in some other room, and 2% have no toilet at all. The overwhelming majority of inside flush toilets in Wandsworth are white in colour with black seats. However, with the increase in fashion consciousness among all levels of society, pastel colours are becoming popular. A recent trend...
    
7. THE BEARS AND THE MOLES: my own feeble attempt at writing a fable in the style of James Thurber, also paying homage to the great humorist
   Here is the beginning:
      One night two bears arrived at the Pear Tree Pub, which is a cute little pub in a tiny village in Cornwall. All day they had been stealing honey and buns from nearby cottages, and so they decided to have a few beers.
      Two moles named McCarthy and MacCormac saw the honey jars and the buns on the cart which the bears had parked behind the pub. Being very interested in these items but unable to steal them because the bears had secured them with chains, the moles decided on a different approach. ...
    
8. Animal Quiz
    
9. "We are sinking!" - Berlitz ad
   Taking a closer look at this very funny ad on youtube - with instructions
    
10. ACHMED THE DEAD TERRORIST
    taking a closer look at this terribly funny ventriloquist on youtube - comprehension questions
11. DETOUR: Achmed is a suicide bomber -> worksheet focussing on words ending in -mb (drop the "b" in bomb, dumb, etc)
      
12. FUNNY QUIZ: A Farewell to Legs ?? Distorted titles of famous novels, films, and plays - with solutions
    (you may have guessed it: Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms )
     
13. MONTY PYTHON SKETCH :   I'D LIKE TO HAVE AN ARGUMENT
    Not really an entire worksheet but mostly an introduction to watching this incredibly hilarious sketch (also found on youtube), focussing on the grammatical aspect, i.e. short answers (Yes, you did. - No, I didn't.)
       
14. Draw your own GRAFFITI: instructions on how to draw serious, humorous, satirical, or political graffiti, including 2 examples. Can be used just for fun or within a certain context that was dealt with in class.
     
15. Das Ei vom London Eye: I took a funny photo on the Thames when I was in London recently. It shows one ovoidal (egg-shaped) capsule of the London Eye being taken somewhere in a boat.
    What can you do with it?
    You can show your students this extraordinary photo and talk about it in connection with the London Eye and other famous London sights.
    You can ask them to invent and write down a story about the "egg". It could be funny and/or thrilling, but it should be interesting and original.  
        
16. Spiegelei = mirror egg??    apple moose = Apfelmus??
    A playful exercise/quiz focussing on false friends and on dead metaphors - after all, the German word Spiegelei is surely a dead metaphor (though for those who learn German it may well be a very vivid metaphor) - with solutions

FUN BUNDLE:  3 Euros

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A German Limerick for free

Here's a submarine Limerick I wrote a couple of years ago:

*

Es war mal ein ganz kecker Thunfisch
Der wollte 'nen Haifisch zum Nachtisch.
Da sagte ein Rochen
"Det kannste net mochen
Det kannste uff keenen Fall tun, Fisch."

 *

Feel free to use this piece of art in more or less advanced language courses ...

Scherzfrage:

Warum fahren jedes Jahr Millionen von Lehrern nach Dover in Südengland?

Wenn Sie die Antwort wissen wollen, klicken Sie hier -
die Antwort kommt per email:

Why do teachers always go to Dover?

DIVERSE

1. After the Klassenarbeit/Klausur: How to write good Corrections
   (Motto: man kann aus Fehlern lernen!)
2. Wie schreibe ich eine faszinierende Klausur? Tipps
3. Kopiervorlage für die Korrektur von Klassenarbeiten - für bis zu 10 Schüler pro Blatt - praktisch bei den Berechnungen der Punkte für die einzelnen Aufgaben, etc
4. Kopiervorlage für die Korrektur von Klassenarbeiten - für 3 oder 4 Schüler pro Blatt - praktisch bei den Berechnungen der Punkte für die einzelnen Aufgaben, etc
5. Punktetabelle mit vielen möglichen Punktvergaben und vielen Leerzeilen - praktisch bei der Berechnung von Punkten für Teilaufgaben und deren Summe
6. Tipps für eine Hausaufgabe, die zwecks intensiver sprachlicher, inhaltlicher und struktureller Analyse für alle Schüler kopiert werden soll (und dem Lehrer von einem Schüler vorher als Email geschickt wird)
7. Write your own film or book review at amazon.com or amazon.de
8. Computers & the Internet: Test Yourself - spielerische Überprüfung zentraler deutsch-englischer Begriffe wie z.B.  URL  browser  snail mail  DVD
9. Getting acquainted with the Langenscheidt Abitur Wörterbuch
   table with solutions

DIVERSE BUNDLE: 2,70 Euro (just 30 Cents each)

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DEUTSCH

1. "Ich hätte gern eine tote Metapher" -
   lustiger Dialog in der Gemüseabteilung mit wiederbelebten deutschen Metaphern
   (Auszug: "Wollen Sie mich veräppeln oder haben Sie Tomaten auf den Augen?"
    
2. "Die Birne fällt nicht weit vom Kronleuchter" - Liste mit "Veräppelungen" (und damit Bewusstmachung) deutscher Redensarten - und somit ein Anlass, die Bedeutung der jeweiligen Redensart in eigenen Worten zu erläutern
    
3. IN VOLLEN ZÜGEN GENIESSEN:
   Eine von mir gestaltete Pseudo-Anzeige der DB, die auf einem Wortspiel basiert - beim Thema Wortspiele und/oder Werbung einsetzbar
    
4. DIE GIRAFFE ODER DER GIRAFFE?! WIE DIE SPRACHE DAS DENKEN BEEINFLUSST
   Eine interessante und lustige Übung, basierend auf der (absurden) Tatsache, dass viele Tiere im Deutschen weiblich sind - auch kontrastiv zum Englischen sehr gut einsetzbar (Interferenz: the cat -> she)
    
5. INTERPRETING/DOLMETSCHEN: "6-jähriger fährt Auto": ein lustiger deutscher Zeitungsausschnitt dient als Vorlage, um in einer "realistischen" Situation - pen-pal als Gast in Deutschland - die Bedeutung des Dolmetschens zu erkennen + dies zu üben - with solutions
    
6. INTERPRETING/DOLMETSCHEN: "Echter Nemo - Goldfisch überlebt Autounfall": ein lustiger deutscher Zeitungsausschnitt dient als Vorlage, um in einer "realistischen" Situation - pen-pal als Gast in Deutschland - die Bedeutung des Dolmetschens zu erkennen + dies zu üben - with solutions

DEUTSCH BÜNDEL:   2 Euros

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Gibt's ein Schnupperangebot?

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Was sind die Vorteile? Und die Preise?
Gibt's ein Schnupperangebot?

UNIQUE  STUFF
 
In this department you will find things written/created by myself -
poems, songs, stories, etc - and a book

 
Die Frankfurter Buchmesse ist vorbei, aber Weihnachten steht fast schon wieder vor der Tür!

Suchen Sie noch ein originelles (Buch-)Geschenk für Ihre Lieben oder für sich selbst?

Wie wäre es mit dem folgenden, von mir soeben veröffentlichten Buch?:

 
26 deutsche und 10 englische Rezensionen
mit dem jeweiligen fiktiven Titelbild in Farbe

123 Seiten

Preis: 10 € versandkostenfrei

mit Widmung nur 9 €!

NÄHERES: NICHT ZU FASSEN

oder

Infos und Bilder bei youtube

oder

Autorenlesung bei youtube:
"The Bears and the Moles"

Falls gewünscht, sende ich Ihnen gerne einen Auszug als pdf Datei per Email zu.
 

 
Song:
"MAGGIE T'ATCHER WE ARE GOING HOME"
(1 Euro)

   A song about immigration problems written by myself a couple of years ago, but quite possibly still valid today. (you can also get the song as an mp3 file or listen to it at youtube)
   Here is the beginning:

we come to dis country
to dis promised land
living life in poverty
we can no longer stand
man say go to England
take your family
we don’t get tru de customs
very easily
  
REFRAIN:
Maggie T'atcher we are going home
cos among your people we're alone
in Jamaica sun will shine all day
in UK cold people, not okay

How do I get these fascinating things?

Song:
"INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION"
(1 Euro)

   This is a satirical song I wrote. It was inspired by a text called "Children in the Industrial Revolution" in the old Learning English Modern Course Gym 5 (Klett).
   You might enjoy it or use it in the classroom (you can also get the song as an mp3 file or listen to it at  youtube); here is the first verse:

I ain't gonna work in this coalmine no more
I said, I ain't gonna work in this-here coalmine no more
I'm working all my fingers simply down to the bone
Here at this dark coal-face, always alone
  
There's coal dust in my lungs
And coal dust in my brain
"Why, that's all part of a Revolution
Called Industrial", they claim.
   
My wife ain't gonna work...
 

 
GOETHE:
"THE DEATH DANCE"
(50 cents)

   This is my attempt at a translation of Goethe's famous poem "Der Totentanz", trying to capture both the imagery and the atmosphere of the original (it has the form of a song because I also wrote the music to it which you can listen to at youtube - you can also get the song as an mp3 file.)
   You might possibly enjoy it - here is the beginning:

Hark! It is midnight
The sexton looks down
From the church tower
At all those dark graves.
'Tis now the moon
Discovers herself
And the churchyard
It's almost as bright as by day.
 
Behold! Here's a grave
There's another, they stir
A woman, a man
They do slowly appear
They're followed by others
So quaint and so queer
They're clad in pale shrouds -
The sexton he peers.

How do I get these fascinating things?

 
Satire:
"KEEP ON RUNNING:
HAYFEVER AS A TOPIC IN 60s and 70s POP SONGS"
(1 Euro)

   A humorous satire written by myself (790 words), including the amazing though little known song  Hay Fever Blues.
   Here is an excerpt:
 
   ... There was a song released by another group in that very same year which became much more famous, catapulting them to the top of the hit parade: "Keep on Running" by the Spencer Davies Group. It is remarkable how the group tried to provoke some kind of shock and dismay by means of personification: in a kind of dialogue with his own nose the lyrical I is eventually convinced of the inevitability of his fate and, asking the nose to "keep on running", finally accepts it. Two years before the Kinks had gone one step further by personifying the pollen itself in "You Really Got Me". This stylistic means was picked up some months later by the Dave Clark Five in "Catch Us if You Can". With the title already suggesting the sarcasm and cynicism which prevails throughout the song, it is hardly surprising that most radio stations in the United States refused to play it. ...

NOTE: This satirical text can also be found (and enjoyed) at youtube

 
Science Fiction Short Short Story:
"Failure"
( 1 Euro )

1. a science fiction short short story written by myself.
   It has only got 106 words - what can you do with it?
   a. you can read it just for fun
   b. you can analyse it as an example of a punch line / surprise ending
   c. you can analyse it as an example of the importance of point of view
   d. you can use it in a test or a Klausur because it is a complete short story and because there is a lot in it, in spite of its shortness
   Here is the beginning:
      The spaceship had orbited the planet for two days. Dozing lazily in his seat, the captain was suddenly awakened by the exo-biologist.   "Well, what have you found out?", he said with a look of expectancy. 
      The exo-biologist hesitated slightly. ...
    
2. Creative writing: An incredibly inadequate translation of this short short story into German by a translation programme is supposed to induce students to
   a. chuckle and
   b. write a better one.
   Here is the amazingly ridiculous first sentence:
      Das Raumschiff hatte den Planeten für zwei Tage in Umlauf gebracht.
   NOTE: This worksheet comes as a bonus with the story itself

How do I get these fascinating things?

 
Wahlbrinck/Probst:
"Die Geschichte vom Stuhl und der Lampe"
(2 Euro)

   Diese märchenhafte Geschichte (800 Wörter, 3 exzellente Bilder) wurde von mir geschrieben und von Maxim Probst, einem ehemaligen Schüler, in genialer Weise bebildert. Hier ist der Anfang der Geschichte:

   Auf dem Dachboden eines alten Hauses stand einmal ein alter Stuhl. Er war schon ganz kaputt und stand ganz wacklig auf 3 Beinen. Neben ihm stand eine alte Lampe, die auch schon bessere Tage gesehen hatte.
   "Hör mal," sagte die Lampe, "ich bin total traurig, weil ich so alt bin und gar nicht mehr leuchten kann, denn meine Birne ist schon lange kaputt."
   "Du bist gut," sagte der Stuhl. "Ich bin alt und schwach und morsch und habe nur noch drei Beine. Wenn sich einer auf mich draufsetzt, krache ich bestimmt zusammen."
   Und sie fingen beide ein bisschen zu weinen an, weil sie so traurig waren.
   Da sagte der Stuhl: "Mensch, ich hab ne Idee. Statt hier oben auf dem Dachboden rumzustehen und zu weinen, sollten wir lieber in die weite Welt hinausziehen. Vielleicht finden wir sogar jemanden, der uns repariert."
   "Gute Idee," sagte die Lampe. "Los geht's."
   Sie schlichen sich die steile Dachbodentreppe herunter, zwängten sich durch die Haustür und machten sich auf den Weg ins Abenteuer. ...

 
"MUTTERTAG"

   Ein von mir geschriebenes lustiges Gedicht, das auf der Doppelbedeutung von "Mutter" basiert. (1 Euro)
   Hier die ersten Zeilen:

Sagt die Mutter zu der Schraube:
"Heut ist Muttertag, ich glaube,
Dass ich ein Geschenk verdiene.
Doch warum die böse Miene?"
Sagt die Schraube ...
 

How do I get these fascinating things?

 
LÜNEBURGER HEIDE  

   Ein von mir gemalter Cartoon (Aquarell), der auf der Doppelbedeutung von "Heide" basiert und gut als Grundlage für das Thema "Wortspiele" genutzt werden kann (1 Euro)

 
Satire:
"GENETIC EFFECTS ON CHILD BEHAVIOUR"
(50 Cents)

   A satirical text (286 words) written by myself which ironically deals with the theme of modern genetics and its alleged findings concerning the behaviour of children. Extract:
 
   Two scientists at the University of Berkeley, California, have now discovered a gene that induces children to balance on low walls, especially stone walls. When asked how long it had taken them to find the curious gene, Dr. Carl Luce replied, "Er... to tell you the truth, we hadn't been looking for this gene at all. Actually, since 1951 Gene and I  - " (he is referring to Dr. Eugene Axe here)  "had been looking for this other gene that is supposedly responsible for the fact that most of the time toddlers put the left boot on the right foot, and vice versa. And we were just fiddling around there when all of a sudden we bumped into this wall gene." ...
 

How do I get these fascinating things?

Satire:
"WER WAR EIGENTLICH AL DENTE ?"
(50 Cents)

   Here is the introduction of this satirical text:

   Alfonso Gabriel della Dente (1904-1962?), besser bekannt unter dem Namen Al Dente, war der Lieblingsneffe von Al Capone (1899-1947). Er wuchs in Neapel bei seinem Vater, einem Zahnarzt, auf und wurde 1921 von seinem Onkel nach Chicago in die USA geholt, wo gerade die Prohibitionszeit begonnen hatte. Dort machte sich Al Dente in einschlägigen Kreisen schnell einen Namen dadurch, dass er in so genannten Speakeasies illegale alkoholhaltige Nudelgerichte verkaufte; berüchtigt waren seine garantiert bissfesten Noodles and Pins.

THE BEARS AND THE MOLES

My own feeble attempt at writing a fable in the style of James Thurber, also paying homage to the great humorist
(50 Cents)

 
Here is the beginning:
 
   One night two bears arrived at the Pear Tree Pub, which is a cute little pub in a tiny village in Cornwall. All day they had been stealing honey and buns from nearby cottages, and so they decided to have a few beers.
   Two moles named McCarthy and MacCormac saw the honey jars and the buns on the cart which the bears had parked behind the pub. Being very interested in these items but unable to steal them because the bears had secured them with chains, the moles decided on a different approach. ...

Walter de la Mare/Bernd Wahlbrinck:
"THE LISTENERS"
 

   My attempt at using de la Mare's fantastic ballad as the lyrics of a folk rock song. I tried hard to capture the eerie atmosphere of the poem - it is up to you to decide whether I succeeded...

(mp3 - 1 Euro)

Oh, by the way - you can also enjoy it at youtube

Für Fans von Mark Twain (a.k.a. Samuel Langhorne Clemens):

Examensarbeit (1. Staatsexamen):

MARK TWAINS AUSEINANDERSETZUNG
MIT DEM AMERIKANISCHEN IMPERIALISMUS

12 Euros
 

Special reductions if you order several unique things (and/or combine them with "normal" worksheets)!

  
RECOMMENDED STUFF

Not necessarily for teaching it -
but certainly just for enjoying it ...
 

• DAN RHODES: GOLD
  
  Folks, this novel is a rare treat indeed. It was really "unputdownable" (quotation from the back cover), except after the first 160 pages I had to call it a day and finish it off the next day.
  It's very funny, it's very human, it's full of little surprises, including the language which Rhodes can play with incredibly well.
  Also, it's very Welsh, even though the author is in fact from Devon. In fact, it reminded me strongly of THE ENGLISHMAN WHO WENT UP A HILL BUT CAME DOWN A MOUNTAIN (the novel and the movie), and WAKING NED (DEVINE).
  I wouldn't be surprised if they made this novel into a terrific movie, too ...
  In any case, do go out of your way and beg, steal, or borrow this book!
    
•  

• Frank Worsley: Shackleton's Boat Journey
    
  For anyone fascinated with stuff connected with Shackleton's famous Antarctic explorations, this book is a must. It focusses on the boat journey, i.e. the last part of the whole incredible journey, and it is written by Worsley himself, which means by the man because of whose amazing expertise 6 men were able to cross an area which must be one of the oceans' worst in a tiny 7 metre boat. I saw that boat at Dulwich College in August 2010. Truly amazing.
    
•  

• LIMBO (aka Wenn der Nebel sich lichtet)
    
  Limbo is a fascinating movie - no Hollywood stuff, but independent film-making of a very high quality. Most of all I like the two main characters played by David Strathairn and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio. The way they get to know each other is very tender, very convincing, and also funny at times. I particularly like the scene in the bar when she comes to his table after singing a song, and they start revealing little bits about themselves to each other - that's fascinating acting, and fascinating dialogue too. 
  As for the much-disputed ending - oh well, I don't want to give away too much, but director/writer/editor John Sayles says in his DVD commentary (highly recommended) that it was the only ending that seemed appropriate to him, and maybe he's right...
    
•  

1. Sie suchen sich zu einem oder mehreren Themen Arbeitsblätter aus, die Sie bestellen möchten.
2. Sie schicken mir eine email, in der Sie diese nennen (z.B.: Catcher 1,2, / Daisy 3,4,5 / Beckham Bundle)
3. Ich schicke Ihnen am selben Tag eine Email, in der ich Ihnen die Summe nenne, die überwiesen werden soll (diese Summe können Sie selbstverständlich vorher selbst errechnen), und meine Bankverbindung.
4. Sie überweisen das Geld - wenn Sie wollen per (bei PAYPAL ist die Zahlung schon innerhalb von einigen MINUTEN da; dann kommen die Worksheets noch am selben Tag!)
   (Sie können auch stattdessen deutsche Briefmarken schicken.)
5. Sobald das Geld auf meinem Konto ist, erhalten Sie UMGEHEND per Email die Arbeitsblätter in der Anlage als Word-Dokument.

1. You select worksheets referring to one or more themes which you would like to order.
2. You send me an email in which you name them (e.g. Catcher 1,2, / Daisy 3,4,5 / Beckham Bundle)
3. I send you an email on the same day, telling you the total sum to be transferred (which you can, of course, figure out for yourself beforehand), and my bank account.
4. You transfer the money - if you wish by using (with PAYPAL the money is transferred within MINUTES, thus you will get the worksheets on the same day, too!)
   (Alternatively, you can also send German stamps.)
5. As soon as the money arrives here, you will IMMEDIATELY receive the worksheets as a word doc attachment of an email.

Für Sie:

• Entlastung der eigenen Unterrichtsvorbereitungen
• sehr schnelle Abwicklung
• gezielte Bestellung bestimmter worksheets statt ganzer Bücher
• keinerlei Portokosten
• Word-Dokument kann direkt gespeichert, ausgedruckt und kopiert werden
• Word-Dokument kann jederzeit verändert, formatiert werden, etc
• das Angebot wird ständig erweitert
• spätere Rückfragen kein Problem

Für mich:

• ich freue mich über den kleinen Obolus ;-)

For you:

• reduction of your expenditure of work
• very fast transaction
• ordering specific worksheets instead of whole books
• no postage whatsoever
• word document can directly be saved, printed, and copied
• word document can always be changed, formatted, etc
• range of worksheets continually growing
• any questions later on will promptly be answered by me

For me:

• I feel enchanted about my little share ;-)

Schnupperangebot:  1 worksheet  
(freie Auswahl) wird, falls gewünscht, kostenlos zugesandt

taster offer: 1 worksheet of your choice will be sent to you free of charge, if you so wish

Suchen Sie ein humorvolles,
 originelles (Buch-) Geschenk
für Ihre Lieben
oder für sich selbst?

Wie wäre es mit diesem
von mir soeben fertig gestellten
 Buch?

nähere Infos:

NICHT ZU FASSEN

26 deutsche
und 10 englische Rezensionen
von nicht existierenden Büchern
mit dem jeweiligen
fiktiven Titelbild in Farbe
 
- 123 Seiten -

erschienen am 1.12.2009

ISBN: 978-3-00-029514-0

Preis: 10 € - versandkostenfrei

Wenn Sie das Buch kaufen,
erhalten Sie kostenlos
ein beliebiges WORKSHEET BUNDLE
oder 15 einzelne WORKSHEETS